Summer Report #6: Moving Along…

Man, I can’t believe that it’s already July! This summer is starting to zoom by (I guess that happens when you are busy). I guess I should start by wishing a happy 4th of July to my fellow American readers! I hope you all are enjoying your hot dogs, apple pie, and fireworks (though I don’t think I’ve ever had all three on a 4th of July…hmmm…not very American of me…).

This past week has been quite busy; besides spending more time at the pool in the last four days than I had the previous two summers, I’ve been ice-skating, fishing, and done a lemonade stand with my Darling Ward. I hadn’t been ice-skating for at least four years, so I spent about the first half of our time on the ice hugging the wall, but the Darling Ward managed to convince me away from the edge and I spent the rest of our time skating about two feet away from the wall (of course, the Darling Ward was zooming ahead of me and doing circles around me). I only fell once, which was quite a triumph for me.

Definitely not me. There were four year olds skating better than me.

The lemonade stand was quite a hit, and I didn’t really have to do anything except carry a table and a cooler at one point. Fishing was quite an exciting experience; I’ve only been fishing once before, and it was with Father Dearest when I was much younger. As I recall, I only fished for about fifteen minutes before growing sick of it, and I hadn’t caught anything. Fortunately, this time the Darling Ward knew everything about fishing, and she was able to help her two friends that came along. I didn’t really fish, but I had to help the littlest friend with his fishing; the kids were pretty good, and caught a total of five fish together. Of course, none of them wanted to grab the wriggling fish off of the hook, and squealed whenever the poor fish started to spaz out. So guess who had to grab these unfortunate fish, take out the hooks and throw them back into the water?

Yes, me.

The first one was the worst, but after that I had no problem. Actually, to be honest, the slimy feel of fish scales was pretty neat; I just didn’t like the fish that had little spikes on their fins.

Thank goodness none of the fish were this big. I probably would have squealed and run away.

So I’ve been really tired after this week, but I’m still excited about next week. It’s like getting a second chance at childhood summers – awesome! Popsicles still taste as good as I remember.

And that’s about all the news I have. I’ve finally played the wonder that is called ‘Rock Band’; interestingly enough, I suck at playing the guitar and do tons better when on the drum set. Lots of fun, even though I can only do ‘Easy’ level – I tried ‘Medium’ and failed miserably…I wonder if Mumsy and Father Dearest would buy me a Wii and that game if I told them doing the drums was a great upper body work-out? (Because it sort of is…)

Summer Report #5: New Dishwasher

Hello my friends! Hard to believe that it’s almost July, but that’s the summer for you.

As you probably guessed from the title of this post, we have a new dishwasher! It is wonderful! No more pruny fingers and horrible smells! And it runs so quietly, you have to listen twice in order to see if its really washing the dishes! Ah, technology is wonderful…

The kitchen is also finished now. (Hurray for that) There was some discussion of refinishing the kitchen table and benches, but I immediately tuned out that conversation. I want nothing to do with it (I have a feeling Mumsy will coerce Father Dearest into aiding her…).

Anyway, in other news, I finished the first draft of my second novel – 44 chapters! 44 whole chapters! The one I wrote last summer was 38 chapters long, and I thought that was mammoth! I still have a bit of editing to do on it, I think, but I am going to wait on that. I’m just a wee bit sick of that story for the time being.

I started work yesterday, and it went well. I had to take one of my wards to the doctor’s for a summer physical early in the morning, which involved a minor adventure looking for the building the office was in and then finding the corresponding parking lot, but after that was done I spent four hours sitting by the poolside reading ‘Good Omens’ for about the fiftieth time. Can’t complain.

Let’s see…what else?

Saw ‘Year One’ last week; I laughed, but I will say that I was slightly disappointed. It had its funny moments (a lot of which were in the TV trailers), but there were also a lot of other super-raunchy bits that I didn’t particularly care for. That, added to the fact that all of the other people in the audience, besides Wee Baby Sis, Little Brother, and myself, were fifteen years old with the maturity of eight year olds. Made me glad to be out of high school.

So, that’s that. My family’s been listening to the Chronicles of Narnia on audiotape, which is more entertaining than anything on TV these days. We made it through ‘The Magician’s Nephew’, ‘The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’, and ‘The Horse and His Boy’, and now we are on ‘Prince Caspian.’ I think my favorite one so far has been the ‘The Horse and His Boy’, read by Alex Jennings, though they are all wonderful. The only downside to it all is that listening to these stories makes me want to write more of my own.

I want to go to Narnia...but the closets around my house suck.

Summer Report #4: Broken Dishwasher

And the summer escapades continue!

Mumsy and Father Dearest returned safe and sound and with lots of pictures from Oregon. Apparently it impressed them a lot, despite the typically overcast weather (of course, you shouldn’t go to Oregon if you want sunshine) and the day when they returned from a long walk with the urgent need to pee and the housekeeping staff kept them out of their room for another half hour as they cleaned. I am still jealous, but envy did not prevent me from accepting the colorful scarf and little plastic ninja figurine that they brought back for me.

The biggest event since my last report is that our dishwasher is broken, and we now have to wash everything by hand, which is a giant pain in the patootey. I think the worse parts of the dishwashing experience are the bending over the sink bit, and the smells. There are some food smells that should never be mixed together (like, say, ketchup, cat food, and mayonnaise) and then added to hot dishwater. Sometimes it smells like I’m sticking my hands into liquid garbage! And then, I’m always paranoid that I’m going to cut myself on a knife or poke myself with a fork and bleed to death in the sink. Or worse – the cut could get infected after being in that nasty water, and then I’ll get gangrene and my hand will have to be amputated! I wonder if that’s ever happened…

So, we need a new dishwasher. Pronto.

In other news, I have about one more week until my summer job starts, and I’ve been filling up the time working on my story. I’m on Chapter 37 right now, and I’m hoping that I can finish it up in another six or seven chapters. Been going to the library once a week and grabbing stacks of books that I usually finish reading within three days. I’m trying to will myself to read “Anna Karenina,” which is one of my summer goals.

Haven’t been to the movies for a while. ‘Year One’ comes out in a few days though, and I’ve been wanting to see ‘Star Trek’ again. The other day Wee Baby Sis and I were grocery shopping and she convinced me to buy a box of Cornflakes because it had Captain Kirk and Spock on the front. We hate Cornflakes, and haven’t touched it yet – the box just sits in the pantry, looking all epic and stuff. Not a complete waste of money, if I might say so.

Oooh...Collector's Edition! Now we definitely can't eat it! It might be worth something one day!

Well, that’s enough from this blogger. Tune in next time – maybe something interesting will have happened!

Summer Report #3: JOB!!!

Yes, my beloved readers, I am happy to report that optimism paid off, and I now have a summer job! And the funny thing about it is that I didn’t have to really go looking for it – it came to me (in a manner of speaking)! And the great thing about it is that it isn’t retail! I get to play chauffeur, sit by a pool, and, in general, chill with a couple of kids! I can’t start until the end of the month when said children get out school, so I have a few weeks of sitting around yet, but I’ll occupy myself somehow.

So, that is one bit of excitement. We also got new granite counters installed in the kitchen, so that looks fab and the whole room is starting to come together. Unfortunately once the counters were in we realized that they had a much greener tint than we had originally thought, and now our bright yellow walls look odd. So, guess what? We have to paint the walls. Again. Hurray.

In other news, my parents are away in Portland, Oregon for a week long vacation while Wee Baby Sis, Little Brother, and I are rotting at home, taking care of the pets. Honestly, how selfish are they? They plan this awesome trip there, with stays at nice hotels and a day at the country’s largest bookstore, and even a couple days in a beach house, and don’t even bring us along! What about our vacation? I don’t care if they’re having their honeymoon that they’ve delayed for 20-something years , we’re their kids! I mean, their lives revolve around us – they can’t be having fun without us there!

Of course, going to Portland would have involved flying, and I get motion sickness on planes like you cannot imagine, so maybe its a good thing that I didn’t go.

I haven’t seen any movies in theaters recently – I was debating going to see ‘Land of the Lost’ but Wee Baby Sis pointed out that was probably one of those movies that you wait until its on DVD and someone else you know buys it to watch it. I’m thinking she’s right. But I am looking forward to the new Jack Black movie that comes out next week; yes, I’m one of those people who think Jack Black is funny. I don’t know why – I never thought I would be, but he makes me laugh (I think it’s all the eye-acting he does)!

So, that’s all folks. Or, at least, until next time.

Summer Report #2: Stuff…

I know that you loyal readers might have thought that I dropped off the face of the planet (the blogging planet that is), but as you can see, I haven’t.

So, let’s see, what have I been up to. (Seriously, what have I been up to?)

1) We finished sanding and staining the cabinets in the kitchen (FINALLY). I got stain all over my arms and it made my skin look like I had a condition (or made me look like an alien). Anyway, the painting of the walls is well under way, and tomorrow morning the counter people are coming to replace the counters. I plan on staying out of the way for that, though.

2) No job yet. It would seem that no one in the nearby area are hiring summer employees, but with the economy is the way it is, that can’t be helped. Oh well. I’ll have to look somewhere else for amusement. I don’t even really care if I get paid for it anymore, I just need something to get me out of the house.

3) There was a new ‘Pushing Daisies’ episode last night amidst all of the commercials for the ‘Bachelorette’ and ‘Newlyweds’ and ‘Desperate Housewives’ and it was AMAZING! I almost cried I was so happy to watch it. And there are two more episodes that they’re going to show! YES!!!

4) Working on a new novel. I’m on Chapter 23 of what I am thinking is going to be about 45 chapters (and I foolishly thought that it would have only a grand total of 20 chapters when I began it). I started writing it while I was still in school, but now that I have all the time in the world, I’ve been able to devote more time and dedication to it. I still have yet to publish the one I wrote last summer, but as my sister is illustrating it, I still have time to research how to go about doing that. (Who’d have thought I’d be doing research over the summer?)

5) Saw ‘Star Trek’ two more times (bringing the grand total up to 3 viewings) and ‘Up,’ both of which are awesome. I want to see that ‘Brothers Bloom’ movie, but the stupid movie theaters near me aren’t showing it. Botheration on movie theaters (not really, though – I love my movie theaters)!

Anyway, my hopes for a job still continue and I can’t wait for the darn kitchen to completely done (though, my mother has threatened that we will start painting the hallways and the rest of the house once that is done, so maybe I can wait).

Carpentry and Star Trek

So, summer vacation has officially begun. It is now about Day 5 and I still have no job lined up, but I remain optimistic. I put in an application at two stores and bothered the hell out of two others with questions about employment and threats that I’d return in a week, and if that fails, well, I might just apply at Target, where they will be happy to have my valuable customer service skills. I know because I am just that amazing.

But even without a job to keep me occupied, I have been pretty busy. Mumsy somehow allowed a friend of hers to lead her to believe that the kitchen needed renovating, and since Mumsy’s friend has every tool or building supply one could possibly need to build a house just laying around her garage, they decided to do it themselves. Which, of course, means that I have been doing slave labor for the past two days, and have another two days of it to look forward to.

Actually, we aren’t doing that much – just refinishing the cabinets and painting the walls a different color. But to refinish the wooden cabinets, one must first remove the varnish that has been on them for the past twenty-odd years, which means sanding. Sanding, believe it or not, is not as much fun as it would sound (when I hear the word ’sanding’, I think of the beach), and means that your hands get very rough and you get sawdust in every possible crevice on your body (I’ve checked, and it is EVERY crevice, unless there are some crevices that I’ve missed, which is not likely).

As I have been reminded (several times, by many people, much to my annoyance), it could be a lot worse. Yeah, I could be trying to sand down the behind of a T. Rex.

The bright spot of this week is (hands down) watching the new Star Trek movie. Now, I’m not a complete Trekkie, but I’ve been watching the various Star Trek shows since I can remember, and I was totally jazzed about this movie. And, as expected, the movie was AWESOME. I was geeking out during the whole thing, and I think the only person having more fun that me, Wee Baby Sis, and Little Brother was the lady behind me who kept going “WHOOOO-EEE!” at every single explosion.

Now, I wish I could cut out of college and join Starfleet. The only thing that’s stopping me is the fact that I live in reality, and there is no Starfleet.

So, yes. That is my summer vacation so far. I want to go see the movie again this weekend. And I can’t wait for these renovations are done. But now I must end, because I am four minutes away from the season finale of LOST, and you know I can’t miss that (the next best thing to joining Starfleet would be to find myself lost on the Island).

SUMMER!!!

I…AM…DONE!

I had my last final today, just got out of work forty-five minutes ago, and all I have left is a three hour drive home before I can finally RELAX! Yay!

Finals week was fine; I don’t have any of my grades back yet, but since I know that I didn’t fail any of my classes (at least, I’d better not have, since I made a point not to skip any classes) and I didn’t leave any of my exams feeling like I was about to cry, I don’t care about them. As far as I’m concerned, this semester is done.

With that being said, what comes of the summer? A lot of people have been asking me about my summer, and all I can say is, “Look, whatever-your-name-is, I just wanted to live through this week. I haven’t thought past Saturday!” I guess I’ll go job-hunting, and hope that someone wants me at a job that I might actually want to do. If not, well, there are only so many times that one can visit one’s local library before they’ve read everything in there…

That'll be me. Then I'll have to start lurking about a Starbucks until they kick me out for being a creeper.

But I’m excited to go home. I get to see the dog again (and my family too, I guess, but generally the dog is the happiest to see me).

My New Car

I don’t actually have a new car, but it looks like I do. You see, my car used to be a lovely silver color, but now, thanks to the overactive trees in my neighborhood, it is a light green hue. I would go and get all the pollen washed off, but A) I have no hose to do it myself, B) I don’t have enough money to pay someone else to do it, and C) I am too darn lazy to get it washed off. I mean, the rain is good enough for me (if it ever decides to rain again).

Not my car, but its in a similar condition.

And besides, its ONLY pollen. I think it would be a lot worse it it were covered in something like, say, bird excrement. There is this one car that has been parking in the same lot that I do on campus that’s hood is COMPLETELY COVERED in bird poop. It makes me laugh every time I see it (and much better about not cleaning my pollen-covered car). I have to wonder how so much crap could have possibly gotten on that car – a whole flock of seagulls or something must have decided to have a convention on the hood!

Ha! Gross.

In other news, I have one week of finals and then I am free (to find a summer job – boo!)!

Too bad my brain shut down two weeks ago.

The Shortest Posting I Will Ever Do!

Fifteen words: Moving into a new apartment and giving a paper conference presentation, all in one weekend.

One word summary: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!

The Best Movie Review of All Time! (simply because I wrote it)

My classes continue to astound me – even in this last rush of the semester (two more weeks!) with paper deadlines and presentations leering at me in the close distance, I somehow find myself enjoying some of my homework assignments!

I am currently taking a film studies class, and our latest assignment requires us to write two film reviews of one movie, each review imitating the writing style of a major film critic/reviewer. We went over the particular reviewers in class, and one of the examples was Mr. Cranky. I don’t know if you’ve ever read a Mr. Cranky movie review, but that guy is mercilessly funny! He just tears films apart!

So, I knew from the moment I looked at Mr. Cranky’s example that I wanted to do one just like his, but the problem was picking a film. You see,  I did not want to have to tear apart a movie that I liked, and that meant that I had to pick a movie that I didn’t like, but wouldn’t mind being mean to.

And then I had my brainwave – I would do a Mr. Cranky on ‘Twilight.’

Oh, an endless ocean of possibilities opened up with this! You see, I never wanted to see ‘Twilight’, but LaFonda bought it and since I made her watch ‘Australia’ with me (though that was a good movie), I agreed to watch ‘Twilight’ with her. I was laughing through the entire movie; I haven’t read the books, but I can tell you that the movie didn’t make me want to.

Anyway, I wrote an entire Mr. Cranky film review, enjoyed myself immensely, and now I think I would like to share it with the rest of the world. Its probably not as good as Mr. Cranky’s (if he’s even done one on ‘Twilight’), but I think that it’s still pretty darn funny. Here ya go:

What’s the point if you make them vegetarian?!: Twilight Review a la Mr. Cranky

I am under the impression that all 16-year-old girls in this country are masochists; what other reason could possibly explain the phenomenon called Twilight? I don’t know if I’m the only one, but I can distinctly remember being afraid of vampires and werewolves once upon a time. Does the name ‘Dracula’ ring any bells?

I mean, the makers of this film somehow managed to take one of my greatest childhood fears and turn it into a baseball-playing vegetarian! The main vampire goes to biology class, squints around all the time, and doesn’t bite people. I’m sure that Bunnicula is more dangerous that Robert Pattinson’s Edward! And don’t get me started on the weasly wimps the werewolves turn out to be. They don’t have any fur and the most animalistic thing they do is run around without shoes on!

OH NO! Not...BUNNICULA!!!

Of course, what teenage vampiric fantasy flick is complete without scenes of the joys of high school? My high school years must have been spent on another planet because I cannot recall any of the delightful banter that Bella and her non-vampire friends engage in, much less the fact that there was a whole hoard of vampires lingering around the cafeteria looking constipated.

And then, when Edward finally reveals the truth about his vampiric nature, it starts with a temper-tantrum that a two-year-old would be proud of, and culminates with him piggy-backing Bella up a mountain to stand in the sunlight and reveal that he GLITTERS!!! That’s it!!! I was expecting some sort of ghoulish face, or an emaciated demonesque body or at least some fangs, but no! The f@#%er just sparkles as if someone slathered his skin with Vaseline and dropped him in a bucket of body glitter!!!

The only thing that this movie lacked was a soundtrack done by the Jonas Brothers. That would have made the whole experience completely excruciating (and all the more marketable to the obvious designated demographic for this movie: hormone driven teenage girls).

On the plus side of things, I am no longer afraid of the dark now that I know anything lurking in it can probably be fought off with a toothbrush.

So there you go – my review of ‘Twilight.’ All completely true. I’m expecting a call from the New Yorker any day now.